Ever Heard Of Relationship Whispering?

What is 💕“relationship whispering”💞?

Well I came up with this term to describe what I do when I hold space for ND/gifted/2e couples.

Hurt people say hurtful things - they speak from a place of wounding and interpret things as further attacks.

When I hold space I often see couples not communicating kindly to each even though they clearly love each other.

In fact the more you love someone the more hurt you feel when you feel they don’t express or give you love. When they make you feel insignificant, unimportant, not special.

The person you most want to understand you feels like the most hurtful person of all 💔😢

So in my container part of my job is to cultivate a sense of safety so each person can speak their truth without being INTERRUPTED .

Because the normal reaction of the partner is to instantly react, shout, disagree ie DEFEND themselves from more emotional pain.

This DOES NOT allow open communication and problem solving to happen.

So it’s my job to REGULATE THEIR EMOTIONS enough for them to listen and actually hear and understand what their partner is saying.

Every behaviour is communication. But when we are so wrapped up in our own emotions it’s very hard to pay attention to the message someone is trying to tell us.

We are closed up/off because of fear of being hurt.

If we can allow enough safety and space for an opening then we can BEGIN TO HEAL the hurt and create deep connection again.

Then they can begin to SELF REGULATE.

Relationship whispering is about facilitating gentler communication and truthful expression of experience and needs.

So another part of my job is to translate, be a buffer, to the communication which is misunderstood and misinterpreted resulting in pain for both people.

We have to take into account RSD and the double empathy problem.

RSD rejection sensitive dysphoria means the person experiences the rejection/criticism much more intensely than most. It can be like a physical pain. It is deep suffering mentally and emotionally. And it doesn’t take much to set it off. That’s the sensitivity part.

Double empathy - it’s like they’re speaking 2 different languages. ND individuals don’t naturally fully understand NT individuals hence the need for a translator to clarify the truth/meaning, otherwise misunderstandings escalate the situation to breaking point. No one wants that.

The world needs more love, empathy and compassion 💗

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